Sometimes I cry. A lot. Almost every day.
Sometimes I ask myself again and again what I am doing, because sometimes I have no idea.
Sometimes I feel stuck in the middle of stress and there’s nothing I can do.
At these times I have to slow down, stop, and remind myself that this is my dream. I am literally living my dream!
I think it is typical of most young girls to daydream about their Prince Charming and the perfect wedding day. I had my whole wedding planned out when I was 14 (and I used 0% of my 14-year-old ideas!) and I had a picture in my head of my “ideal husband.” I prayed that if it was God’s will that He would show me my “ideal husband” and we could get married and live happily ever after.
Now I am living my dream and so much more. God more than answered my prayers and gave me the perfect husband for me, at a time when I was not even expecting it.
When I met Sam (although I had determined NOT to have anything to do with guys my first year of college) I was blown away. I can remember praying to God that I had no idea if He was answering my prayers and this was the one, but if he was I honestly could not imagine anyone better. He went above and beyond every item on my “ideal husband list.” As a senior he was always so kind to me, a freshman who was terribly homesick and had no idea what she was doing in college. The more I got to know him the more amazed I was, and I remember thinking that if nothing ever worked out for the two of us, I didn’t think I could ever like another guy; no one would ever match up. We began dating second semester of my freshman year, and a year after we first met each other Sam got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was beside myself with joy and I did not hesitate for and instant to say yes. I had known for a long time that Sam was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This was my dream.
Our long-distance engagement was difficult, but we survived and had an absolutely perfect wedding. Even though it was nothing like my early teenage fantasies, it was my dream wedding, mostly because I got to marry my dream guy.
Now I get to live with my best friend every single day. I get to wake up beside him and tell him good morning instead of texting him. We get to eat meals together, study together, run together, and everything! We still look at each other sometimes and say, “I am so glad we get to be together now. Living with you is so much fun.”
I am living my dream.
Beginning when I was in about 8th grade my family started reading lots of missionary biographies for school. The first one I ever read was about Hudson Taylor, and we went on to read countless other stories of missionaries to tribes deep in Africa, India, China, England, and many, many other places. I was so inspired by all these stories and it became somewhat of a secret dream of mine to become a missionary someday. I remember thinking it would be more difficult to do it on my own, so it would be better if I married someone who was willing to be a missionary and we could go together.
Now I am here, married to my wonderful husband who was a missionary in Romania for nine months before we got married, and we are missionaries here together. Being a missionary in a foreign country is certainly not as glamorous as perhaps I imagined as an eighth grader. It is much harder than I anticipated living in an unfamiliar country, surrounded by a different language, a different culture, and lots of people who are not readily accepting the good news we have to share with them as much as we would like. But I am learning so much. I learn from watching my husband work tirelessly every day, studying, thinking of new ways to reach people, and going out and talking to others, spreading the Gospel. I am learning so much patience. I am learning to trust in God like I never have before. I certainly have not learned any of it perfectly, and I am still learning every day, but it is truly such a blessing.
I am living my dream.
All my life I have wanted to be a mama. I have gone through phases where I was not sure if I wanted to get married or not, but I have never questioned whether or not I wanted to me a Mama. Dolls were my favorite toys growing up, and I absolutely love doing anything with babies or little children. They never fail to bring me so much joy! I grew up with an absolutely amazing Mama who taught me so much, and she inspires me every day to be like her.
These days, I really have to remind myself that this is what I want to do. Some mornings I lie in bed feeling extremely nauseous, just wishing it could go away. Some days I see Sam cook for me and himself, do dishes, and go out of his way to do anything to make me more comfortable, and while I am incredibly thankful for it, it is hard for me to watch him do the things I feel like I should be doing. Some days I am so exhausted I feel like I’m failing because I can barely keep our apartment clean and getting out to go anywhere is a feat.
But it will all be so worth it, I know. Whenever I feel like complaining I just have to stop and remind myself what it is all for! Sam and I are so excited for our child and we pray every day that we will be godly parents and lead him or her to the truth by our words and actions. We pray we can grow the Kingdom through our family. And if we can accomplish that with God’s help, it will be more than worth it. I cannot wait to be a Mama
I am living my dream.