I recently realized that I have shared very little concerning my pregnancy with our first child other than small updates here and there. Some have expressed interest in knowing more, so I decided to go back and create a record of our child’s life so far.
Back in June after our wedding, our lovely brother and sister (Abe and Grace) placed several pregnancy tests in the back of Sam’s car before we drove away for our honeymoon. When we found them we laughed, thanked Abe and Grace, and Sam put them away in a storage box at his parent’s house in Kentucky.
Last December we made a trip back to America to spend Christmas with family and to attend Paul, Sam’s brother’s wedding in Kentucky. While we were in Kentucky Sam gathered all the boxes of his possessions left at his parent’s house because they were planning on renting the house after returning to Romania.
Included in those boxes were the pregnancy tests.
Once earlier in the year we had purchased a pregnancy test at a pharmacy in Romania because I thought I might be pregnant. I wasn’t, but we discovered that pregnancy tests in Romania were not the cheapest, and we definitely did not want to have to buy any more than we needed. So when we found the tests in the box, we decided to bring them with us to Romania. Just in case.
The night before we left to return to Romania, as Sam and I packed our suitcases he came across the pregnancy tests.
“Why don’t you take this in the morning?” he handed me one of the tests. “Just for kicks and giggles,” he added, seeing the incredulous look on my face.
I agreed, and when I woke up the next morning I dutifully took the test with me to the bathroom, just to please my curious husband. Sam hurried down to the basement to try to run a few miles on the treadmill before we began hours of traveling.
I fully expected the test to be negative, so I did not worry as I waited for the lines to appear and proceeded to pack a few last minute items. When I looked at the test again I was shocked to see two lines. I thought surely this test was different from the one I took in Romania and I checked the box to see what constituted a positive test.
I was still in disbelief as I walked down the stairs where Sam was running.
“Is everyone waiting upstairs?” he asked when he saw me come into the room.
“No, everyone’s asleep,” I replied.
Sam stopped the treadmill. “No…was it positive?”
I smiled and nodded, and Sam jumped off the treadmill and hugged me. We were both in shock.
And then we left.
I cried on and off the entire trip, from the nine hour drive to Chicago, to the ten hour flight to Munich, two hour flight to Serbia, and the five hour drive to Romania. I was already so sad to be leaving family, then I did not know what to think about being pregnant.
The first few days after returning to Romania were extremely hard. We were jet-lagged and still depressed from leaving, and we had a new, huge change in our lives to begin to think about and plan for.
I felt so guilty that I wasn’t thrilled about having a baby. I would just cry and cry, telling Sam that I was still a child and I could not have a child. I didn’t know what I was doing already, and I had no idea how I would do it and be responsible for another life.
After much debate and prayer, we decided to move back to America for the birth of our child, and for at least a few years after it. While I was still terrified about being a mother and how much our lives were about to change, this was a source of great peace to me.
I still feel badly for my attitude at the beginning of my pregnancy, but I have grown to love our child more than I could have imagined, and I know my love will only grow when I get to meet her.
Everything did not suddenly get easier, but it did begin to get better. I will write about all the ups and downs of my first trimester in the second part of our pregnancy story!